MY NAME IS APE

That's me taking a jeepney up to the Palace in the Sky in Tagaytay, Cavite, Philippines.

I've been living in Singapore since I was nine. I turned 28 this year, so that's:

28 - 9 = 19 years!!

That's more than half of my entire life so far. And since we are on this topic, I hope I live up to a hundred, but not bedridden, widowed and missing my late husband, or being a burden to my family or anything of the sort. Which means I gotta start living healthier, have a husband (equally healthy) who will live for as long as I'm alive, and a damn good retirement plan.

Back to original topic. I've encountered my fair share of stereotypical/condescending/amusing stuff since my family migrated to Singapore in 1995. Since there's been a lot of people migrating here from the Philippines lately, I thought I'd share some of the experiences I've had (some I still experience up to today).

Totally working my flip flops up on the Palace in the Sky.

"Are you sure you're Filipino? You're so fair!"

Hhhhmmm... yeahhhh, I'm pretty sure. I think I would know? Wait, are you implying that I'm adopted? But to explain why I'm fairer than most Filipinos, it's because I have Chinese blood. And that's why I'm yellow and not brown. *rolls eyes*

"Do you know *insert name here*. He/she is also Filipino."

Well, to be honest, each time an acquaintance asks me this, I really hope that FINALLY I would know the person they are asking about. But sadly, out of the countless of times I've heard this, it has NEVER happened. And no, I don't know every single Filipino staying in Singapore.

"Hey, you're Singaporean, do you know John?"

"You've been here since primary school, why can't you speak Mandarin?"

Once in a while I choose to indulge people who ask this.

The long story is that I was actually exempted from Mother Tongue lessons in primary school, I took French in secondary school, and I didn't have any language modules in university. The basic conversational Mandarin that I know, I picked up from my private Mandarin lessons and daily interactions.

The lazy/I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-explaining-myself-to-you version is, "I was very bad at it and I failed Mother Tongue in school."

"Oh, you can speak your native language! Can I hear it? Can you say something in Tagalog?"

Some people are plain asking for it. Who would know the truth if I said, "Bakla, ang panget mo" and told you it means "You're my best friend" After five minutes, no one would remember what I just said. And if I say it with a face that's straight enough, I'm pretty sure people would totally believe me.

By the way, "Bakla, ang panget mo" means "You're an ugly faggot."

And just to be clear, I WOULD NEVER ACTUALLY SAY THAT TO ANYONE (even if the person really is ugly and really is gay). I'm just stating an example. Please don't send me hate mail.

Standing beside this really tiny tricycle (for size reference) outside the Paoay Church at Paoay, Ilocos Norte, Philippines.